Understanding Real Love and Maintaining Our Humanity: An excerpt from chapter 16 of STAYING HUMAN.
The Essence of Abiding Love
The concept of love is deeply rooted in our spiritual existence, and its true essence is beautifully expressed in 1 John 4:1-11 (KJV). Love, as a divine force, transcends human understanding and serves as a bridge between us and our Creator. The passage reminds us that God is love, and to truly understand and practice love, we must align ourselves with His divine nature.
To counteract the dehumanizing forces in the world, we must recognize that our greatest weapon, next to God and Yeshua, is the spirit of love. Love helps us endure trials, resist temptations, and sustain our humanity in an increasingly disconnected world.
1) Love Hurts
True love comes with vulnerability. This pain is not the result of abuse, but the ache that arises from deeply caring about another. The risk of rejection or abandonment is inherent in love, yet despite this risk, love continues to flow outward. The Bible calls us to perfect love, which is free of fear.
Paul speaks of this striving in Philippians 3:12-15, urging us to press toward the high calling of God. Love demands endurance, sacrifice, and faithfulness. When we embrace love fully, we learn to overcome the fear of suffering and loss, trusting in God’s divine purpose.
2) Love Brings Affliction
Pain and love are intertwined. The opposite of love is not hate, but fear. Love requires humility, which makes us susceptible to humiliation and rejection. However, true love is fearless and unselfish.
In modern society, love has been distorted. Western romantic ideals have replaced divine love with an artificial construct that prioritizes self-interest and pleasure. This has led to the breakdown of family structures, the corruption of moral values, and the weakening of communities. The erosion of love in society results in moral decay, where humanity becomes increasingly cold, disconnected, and fearful of true connection.
3) Man Operates in Two Levels of Dysfunctional Love
Humanity has deviated from true love, operating on two dysfunctional levels:
The Animalistic Level: Aggression, lust, and domination define this form of love. It manifests in sexual exploitation, violence, and manipulation. Cain’s murder of Abel exemplifies how sin fosters aggression.
The Machine Level: Fear of vulnerability causes people to suppress emotions and become controlling. This control can be outward (dominating others) or inward (emotionally shutting down). Control is the enemy of love, as it is rooted in fear and pride.
Luke 10:38-42 illustrates this with the story of Mary and Martha. Martha, focused on external responsibilities, missed the greater blessing of sitting at Yahusha' feet, embodying the difference between mechanical duty and heartfelt love.
4) Love is Not Always Intensity
Many confuse love with emotional intensity, often mistaking drama, chaos, and passion for genuine love. This is especially prevalent in communities that struggle with historical oppression and identity crises. Instead of seeking peace and stability, some individuals crave extreme emotions as a coping mechanism.
Media and societal narratives have reinforced a false image of strength, particularly among black women, portraying them as independent and dominant while diminishing the role of black men. This imbalance has led to broken families, misguided priorities, and spiritual disconnection. The overemphasis on power and independence suppresses the need for true, biblical love.
heal.
1: Love Hurts: The Cost of True Love
Love, in its purest form, is a beautiful yet costly endeavor. It is not merely an emotion but a commitment that requires vulnerability, sacrifice, and endurance. Unlike the pain caused by abuse or selfishness, the hurt that accompanies true love comes from deeply caring for another person—a hurt born out of devotion rather than destruction.
1. The Vulnerability of Love
True love opens the heart, making it susceptible to pain, rejection, and loss. This vulnerability is not a weakness but a necessary part of genuine connection.
To love deeply is to risk being hurt. A friend may betray you, a spouse may disappoint you, or a loved one may be taken away. Yet, without this risk, love cannot exist in its fullest form.
Yahusha Himself experienced the pain of love—He wept for Lazarus (John 11:35), mourned over Jerusalem’s rejection (Luke 13:34), and ultimately suffered the cross out of His love for humanity.
The very nature of love demands self-exposure, which means that suffering is inevitable. However, this suffering refines and strengthens love rather than diminishing it.
2. Love and Fear: The Call to Perfect Love
The Bible teaches that perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). Yet, many struggle with the fear of:
Rejection – The possibility that love may not be reciprocated.
Loss – The pain of separation, whether through death, betrayal, or distance.
Failure – The fear of not loving well enough, or of being unworthy of love.
Despite these fears, we are called to love boldly, trusting that God’s love sustains us. Love cannot thrive where fear dominates. The more we embrace faith over fear, the more we can love without hesitation.
3. Love’s Endurance: Pressing Toward the High Calling
Paul speaks in Philippians 3:12-15 of pressing forward toward God’s high calling. This striving applies to love as well. True love requires:
Endurance – Love is not fleeting or circumstantial; it remains steadfast even when challenged.
Sacrifice – Love demands that we give of ourselves, sometimes at great personal cost. This is evident in Christ’s ultimate sacrifice on the cross.
Faithfulness – Love is a long-term commitment, requiring patience, trust, and perseverance.
To love as God commands means to embrace suffering without letting it deter us. When we choose to love despite the cost, we align ourselves with God’s heart—a heart that loves unconditionally, even in pain.
4. The Ultimate Trust: Overcoming the Fear of Suffering
If we shy away from love to avoid hurt, we live in fear rather than faith. Instead, we are called to trust God’s divine purpose:
Every heartbreak teaches us something about love’s depth.
Every sacrifice mirrors Christ’s example.
Every loss reminds us that love transcends time and space.
When we embrace love fully, we also embrace its risks, knowing that God’s love sustains, heals, and redeems all wounds. Love may hurt, but it is always worth the price.
2. Love Brings Affliction: The Painful Cost of Genuine Love
Love and suffering are inseparable. Love, at its core, demands selflessness, humility, and vulnerability, all of which expose the heart to affliction and pain. Yet, the greatest afflictions come not from love itself but from the world's distortion of it.
The Bible teaches that the opposite of love is not hate, but fear (1 John 4:18). Hate is often a misguided reaction to pain, but fear prevents love from flourishing altogether. Fear builds walls, isolates hearts, and fosters selfishness. True love, however, is fearless and unselfish, embracing both the joy and the affliction that come with it.
Love Demands Humility, Which Brings Pain
True love requires humility, a virtue that makes us vulnerable to:
Rejection – When we extend love and are met with indifference or hostility.
Humiliation – When love calls us to lower our pride, serve others, or admit our need for connection.
Sacrifice – When love demands that we give without expecting anything in return.
Yahusha Christ exemplified this in His love for humanity. He humbled Himself, endured rejection, was mocked, and ultimately suffered crucifixion—all in the name of love. His affliction was not in vain; it was the price of redeeming a broken world. Likewise, when we choose to love truly, we expose ourselves to wounds, disappointment, and suffering, yet we gain something far greater: a love that transforms lives.
2. The Distortion of Love in Modern Society
In today’s world, true love has been replaced by an artificial construct that prioritizes:
Self-interest over self-sacrifice – Love is treated as a transaction, given only when it benefits the individual.
Pleasure over commitment – Relationships are built on fleeting emotions rather than lasting devotion.
Surface-level connections over deep bonds – Love is measured by attraction and convenience, rather than loyalty and endurance.
Western romantic ideals, shaped by media and consumer culture, have reduced love to passion and personal fulfillment, stripping it of its deeper, sacrificial nature. This distortion has led to:
The breakdown of families – When love becomes conditional, relationships become disposable.
The corruption of moral values – When love is confused with pleasure, moral boundaries erode.
The weakening of communities – When love is self-centered, society becomes disconnected and fragmented.
True love requires commitment, patience, and resilience—qualities that modern society often neglects. In prioritizing instant gratification, humanity has replaced real love with a hollow substitute, leading to loneliness, dysfunction, and despair.
3. The Consequences of Love’s Erosion: A Cold and Fearful Humanity
When love is abandoned, society suffers. As people withdraw from genuine, sacrificial love, they become:
Cold – Emotionally detached, unwilling to invest in deep relationships.
Disconnected – Isolated from community, valuing independence over interdependence.
Fearful – Afraid of commitment, vulnerability, and genuine connection.
Without love, fear rules. People fear being hurt, used, or abandoned, so they build barriers around their hearts. This fear manifests in:
Cynicism – Doubting the sincerity of love, expecting betrayal.
Self-protection – Avoiding deep relationships to prevent pain.
Moral decay – Apathy toward ethical values, prioritizing personal gain over collective well-being.
This deterioration reflects the biblical warning in Matthew 24:12, which states: “Because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall grow cold.” As love erodes, society drifts further into selfishness and fear.
4. The Call to Restore True Love
Despite the affliction love brings, it remains the greatest force for redemption. Love is not about avoiding pain but embracing it for a higher purpose. The only way to reverse the moral decay of society is to restore love to its rightful place:
A love that sacrifices, rather than seeks self-gain.
A love that endures, rather than fades under hardship.
A love that heals, rather than wounds.
This is the love Christ exemplified—one that embraces suffering, overcomes fear, and transforms lives. When we love as He did, we willingly accept affliction, knowing that love’s pain is always outweighed by its power to redeem.
3. Man Operates in Two Levels of Dysfunctional Love
Humanity, in its fallen state, has strayed far from the essence of true love. Rather than operating in selfless, divine love, human beings tend to function within two distorted paradigms of love: the Animalistic Level and the Machine Level. Both are rooted in brokenness, yet they manifest in different ways.
1. The Animalistic Level: Love Driven by Instinct and Power
At this level, love is reduced to a primal force—one that is dominated by lust, aggression, and the desire for control. It is a love that seeks fulfillment through possession rather than selfless giving.
This dysfunction can be seen in relationships characterized by:
Sexual Exploitation – Love is replaced by physical gratification, reducing human connection to mere biology and pleasure.
Violence and Abuse – Love is twisted into dominance, where one seeks power over another, whether emotionally, physically, or socially.
Manipulation – Rather than seeking mutual respect, relationships become a game of control, where deception and coercion take the place of honesty and trust.
This level of dysfunction can be traced back to humanity’s earliest days, as seen in Cain’s murder of Abel. Cain, unable to master his envy and rage, succumbed to his base instincts, allowing aggression to dictate his actions. His response reflects the fallen human tendency to destroy rather than to love when faced with perceived threats or rejection.
2. The Machine Level: Love as Control and Emotional Suppression
The second form of dysfunction is less outwardly violent but equally destructive. It emerges from a fear of vulnerability, leading individuals to suppress emotions, build emotional walls, and exert control over themselves and others.
This dysfunction manifests in two ways:
Outward Control – This is seen in people who dominate others under the guise of “protection” or “guidance.” It appears in authoritarian relationships, where one partner, parent, or leader imposes strict rules to avoid uncertainty or perceived chaos.
Inward Control – Some, fearing the pain of rejection or disappointment, withdraw entirely, shutting down emotionally. They avoid deep relationships, dismiss the need for intimacy, and replace warmth with cold efficiency.
At its core, control is the enemy of love, because it is rooted in fear and pride. Fear drives people to protect themselves at all costs, avoiding the emotional risks that true love demands. Pride convinces them that they must be invulnerable, rejecting any form of dependence on others.
This mechanized approach to love results in sterile relationships, duty-driven marriages, and superficial interactions, where efficiency replaces emotional connection. Love becomes a transaction rather than a gift.
The Path to Redemption: True Love Beyond Dysfunction
Both of these levels of dysfunctional love—Animalistic and Machine-like—are distortions of what love is meant to be. True love, as exemplified in divine love, is neither reckless nor rigid, neither possessive nor suppressive. Instead, it is sacrificial, patient, and free:
It does not seek to dominate but to serve.
It does not seek to control but to empower.
It does not seek to exploit but to honor.
True love requires vulnerability, the willingness to give without guarantee of return. It demands humility, the ability to put another’s needs above one’s own. And above all, it is fueled by grace, which allows broken humanity to rise above these two dysfunctional extremes and operate in love as it was always meant to be.
4) Love is Not Always Intensity
Many confuse love with emotional intensity, often mistaking drama, chaos, and passion for genuine love. This misunderstanding is particularly common in communities that have faced historical oppression and identity struggles. Over time, the pursuit of stability and inner peace has been replaced by an addiction to high emotional states as a means of coping with past and present traumas.
For many, relationships marked by extreme highs and lows feel more real than those grounded in patience, understanding, and mutual respect. This belief is reinforced by a society that celebrates drama-filled relationships in entertainment, music, and social narratives. Instead of recognizing love as a steady and nurturing force, some individuals seek relationships that are emotionally volatile, believing that the intensity equates to passion and depth.
This phenomenon is especially prevalent among black women, who have been socially conditioned to adopt an image of unwavering strength and independence, often at the expense of vulnerability and partnership. Media portrayals frequently diminish the role of black men as strong, loving leaders within the family structure, instead promoting narratives that pit men and women against each other. The overemphasis on self-reliance and dominance has led to misguided priorities, where seeking power in relationships overshadows the need for true, biblical love.
True love is not about control, superiority, or emotional turmoil—it is about harmony, sacrifice, and spiritual alignment. The Bible teaches that love is patient, kind, and not self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). This means that love is not defined by chaos but by peace, not by dominance but by service. When individuals move away from false depictions of love and embrace its true, godly essence, relationships and families are strengthened, and communities begin to heal.
True Love: Harmony, Sacrifice, and Spiritual Alignment
In a world where love is often sensationalized as an intense, dramatic, and sometimes painful experience, it is crucial to redefine what true love really is. Love is not about control, superiority, or emotional turmoil—it is about harmony, sacrifice, and spiritual alignment. Many misunderstand love as something that justifies possessiveness, manipulation, or dominance, but such distortions lead to suffering rather than fulfillment. The Bible provides a clear and unshakable definition of love, one that is rooted in patience, kindness, humility, and selflessness.
Biblical Love: A Foundation for Lasting Relationships
In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, the Apostle Paul describes love as patient, kind, and not self-seeking. This passage dismantles the worldly notion that love is about power or control. Instead, love should be characterized by gentleness and mutual respect, not coercion or superiority.
True love does not thrive in chaos or competition. A relationship filled with constant arguments, manipulation, or emotional highs and lows is not a reflection of godly love, but rather an unhealthy attachment. Instead of seeking dominance, real love serves. Instead of causing pain, real love heals.
Love is About Service, Not Superiority
Yahusha Christ Himself embodied the highest form of love—a love that serves and sacrifices. In John 13:14-15, Yahusha, the Son of God, humbly washed the feet of His disciples, showing that love is not about exerting authority but about humbling oneself for the good of others. Love should never be a tool for control but rather a force for uplifting and uniting people.
When individuals practice love as an act of service and humility, relationships become a source of joy rather than a battleground for power struggles. In marriage, friendship, and family, the goal should not be to "win" over the other person but to grow together in unity and faith.
Love Heals Families and Communities
A distorted view of love leads to broken homes, wounded hearts, and divided communities. When people believe that love involves jealousy, mind games, or suffering, they tolerate unhealthy relationships and pass these misconceptions down through generations.
But when people embrace love as God intended, relationships and families are transformed. Forgiveness replaces resentment. Understanding replaces judgment. Peace replaces chaos. When families are rooted in biblical love, children grow up witnessing patience and kindness instead of conflict and toxicity. These values ripple out into the community, leading to stronger families, healthier friendships, and a society that reflects God’s love.
Choosing True Love Over False Depictions
The world often glorifies passion, intensity, and even dysfunction as the markers of "real love." However, true love is not measured by emotional highs and lows, but by stability, trust, and sacrifice. It is about choosing to love even when it is not convenient, being patient in times of difficulty, and prioritizing unity over pride.
By moving away from false representations of love and embracing its godly essence, individuals cultivate relationships that not only endure but also enrich their spiritual and emotional well-being. In doing so, they reflect the divine love that God has for all of humanity—a love that is not rooted in control, but in grace, peace, and selfless devotion.
KELVIN L. STUBBLEFIELD IS A GRADUATE OF Middle Tennessee State University IN 1983.
HE IS THE AUTHOR OF “AMERICAN REPROBATE: GOD'S CURSE AND RESTORATION OF THE AFRICAN AMERICAN”. THAT WAS PUBLISHED IN 2012.
HE AND HIS WIFE SANDRIA, CO-FOUNDED “BIGSTUB CREATIONS” IN 2018. We are a vehicle for creativity! Our mission is to encourage individuals to utilize their artistic expression through the performing arts.
He has recently published his second book in November 2023.
STAYING HUMAN: EXAMINING THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN GOD, MAN AND ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE”.
Biblical, Spiritual, and Social Analysis and Solutions to Black Americans and Mainstream AMERICAN Dysgenics, Narcissistic Self Indulgence, and the Current Politics of Self Annihilation. Amidst the dawning of Artificial General intelligence and Trans-Humanity.
YOU CAN PURCHASE HIS PUBLICATIONS OR LEARN ABOUT OUR NEXT PROJECT; YOU CAN VISIT THE FOLLOWING WEBSITES.
https://www.klstubblefield.com/
https://www.bigstubcreations.com/
https://loveintheblack.blogspot.com/
https://lovingmyhumans.blogspot.com
No comments:
Post a Comment